Friends,...How Many of Us Have Them...?

I decided, after reading Angel's post to analyze my own friend situation. Then I came to the startling conclusion that there is no friend situation because I feel as though I have no friends. LOL. I bet u guys are like, how is that funny but it is. At different times in my life I latched on to different people for various reasons. Like my friend Taryn in first grade because she never laughed when I stuttered before I got it under control and even though she was gorgeous with her long silky black hair and huge doe eyes, she liked my hair and my eyes better. Or Corey and Rueben in Second grade because they were outsiders like me in their own way and I secretly liked both of them but never had the confidence to say anything. Or Domonique in 6th grade because she was so different from me and I wished I had her balls and after hanging with her I did. And Michael in 7th and 8th because we were rebels and didn't give a rats ass about the oversexed and over exposed girls and guys in our class. And Mel, Tiff, Jasmine, Curtis, Livi, Shay in high school for not being afraid to not fit into the mold.

Back then it seemed like it was so much more simple. It could be because I had to see those people everyday whether I liked them or not and I had to make allies regardless. Is that how I see my friends? As allies and not companions? As my own defense squad against the world? Well when I got to college that aspect changed and I started taking on friends that ended up being charity cases.

For example, my friend Candice was doing some wild shit with guys and I was like I need to find her someone who will treat her like the lady she really is and will love her and help heal he wounds so We met this guy that we both liked instantly but I deferred and let her have him. That was a big mistake. ( I later ended up with him anyway but i'll get into that another time) That was when I started letting the needs of others trump by own even if it wasn't how I wanted it. Then I met up with Shawn and let her needs start trumping my own physical, mental, and emotional well being and her needs ended up dictating my life (check the previous post about helplessness to get the whole scoop on that) and that wasn't good for me either.

Where do you draw the line? How can you tell that a friendship is going to go down this road before it is too late? I treat every friendship like I do any other relationship. Communication, trust, loyalty are the keys to having, gaining, and maintaining a good friendship and no one wants to play by the rules. So what is the end result? Loneliness in a way. But I'll be completely honest, because I am a triplet I am never completely lonely but ever since we hit college there has been some dissension in the fold mainly because I made my own choices about certain issues and they can't accept it. Its my life right so just move on when its over like i did.

But, I'm babbling now. The point is that I have people that I associate with but it is hard to consider them friends and I guess it's because the friendships that I invested so much in blew up in my face. Oh well, back to the drawing board.