Church...

Tomorrow is Sunday and I like all sundays I will be staying at home reading or relaxing instead of going to church. I was talking to a friend the other day and when they asked me to go to a church thing with them I said no. Not a maybe, just no. I don't know if I'm the only one that feels this way but church/religion and spirituality are 2 different things to me. Church/religion is an institution created to house the "so-called" will of the Lord but in truth, the will of said Lord is interpreted by the pastor of that church. Which is why people change churches so much because the pastor is saying things that touch their spirit so they have to keep going until they find someone who does. Some of my friends think that because I don't go to church that I don't kno the Lord. I'll admit, I probably don't pray as much as I should and I can't quote scripture but I believe that I still have the Lord eventhough I don't go to church.

I guess what it is is that the institution of Church has to me seemed no better than a high school. Some of the sisters in the church are no better than cheer leaders trying to tell folks how unsaved they are and judging people on the mistakes that they have made instead of doing exactly what the Good book says and love them and help them change. All of this came up in the first place because me and a friend of mine were talking about abortion. Before anyone asks, I am Pro-Choice. My friend was like, if you get pregnant having an abortion is wrong. The baby didn't ask to be here so you need to have it because you are responsible. I was like, yea the person/people involved are responsible for getting pregnant but what if they don't have any help and are in a bad situation? What then? My friend was like, well they need to pray and go to church. Now, another friend of mine who was pregnant was knee deep in church and hid her pregnancy until it was unhideable and when her so called church family found out they shunned her. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage and when she told her church family she was back in the fold. That shit was bogus. I bought this up to the friend I was talking to an he didn't have nothing to say. I was like, I coulda swore someone told me once, church was for sinners as well as the saved so how is anyone supposed to trust religion or whatever if at the first wrong move they are shunned?

Bullshit. This was the shit that I was talkin about. They did something similar at my former church and I just couldn't sit by and watch it anymore. My friends are like then you need to find another church. But then I'm like aren't we all praying to the same God? The same Jesus? We have all these different churches because of the different way people interpret the Bible so I decided that I will interpret it my way and live the way that I think that God speaks to my soul and says I should. I am taking a risk I guess. What if I interpret it wrong but I think it would be the same way if I went to church and followed a pastor.

Well, back to the drawing board.

A Glimpse Into My Life

Today I let go of my intense thinking of the world and it's woes and decided to read a book by my favorite author Laurell K. Hamilton. For those of you not familiar with her work she writes the most awesome science fiction novels about vampires and other dark sexy creatures as well as faires and fey. Its awesome. I love science fiction better than all the other shit because it allows for me to escape and for a moment indulge in the idea of if all of the fairytale shit was real and what they would be like. Trust me, she does a good job. I want to be able to write like her. I have written a lot of stories but it seems like I get impatient and rush the story along instead of walking myself and potential readers through it. I think i get bored in the middle and want to get to the juciy bits but who knows. Anyway, Thats all for today and if you are into science fiction or never checked it out, take a gander at one of her books. Its sex, fantasy, and reality blended together like a spectacular threesome. Awesome.

For those that are curious the first book in her Anita Blake series is Guilty Pleasures and the first book in her Meridith Gentry series is Kiss of Shadows

Sex Education...

Now this blog may not be about what you are expecting so relax. Before I begin I think that I should mention that if you haven't noticed, a lot of my blogs are going to be about the youth because when I graduate from grad school I plan on specializing in the adolescent population. But on a more personal note, I take an interest in teens because one, it wasn't too long ago for me so I can still relate without sounding like an old fart and two, I want to pass on wisdom that no adult bothered to talk to me about or my friends weren't mature enough to know about and three, I take an interest because it seems like no one else does. Teens are actually very mature and knowledgeable if you ask the right questions and get them to expand past stereotypical areas. But anyway,....

I was talking to a friend of mine named Dom. He is 19 years old and wants to have his first sexual experience. Now first I applaud him for waiting this long for sex which should mean by now he is more knowledgeable and mature right? Wrong. Oh so wrong. He knew as much about sex as a middle school kid which is a lot of myths and a lot of confusion. Now, I'm going to say, personally, when you have waited as long as he has I place him in a totally different category than say younger teens because he should have done some research and it should be no hormonal spur of the moment type "oops"es going on. He is in college by the way too so... yeah. But anyway, his girl is a virgin too and she knew even less than he did about sex which is also troubling.

Let's be real here. As a female, we have the most to loose from the whole sex situation. What do I mean you ask? Well one, if this is your first time and its with someone you "love" we often make the mistake of equating sex with love when to guys they are 2 different things. A guy could not love you and have sex with you. Sex is physical, Love is emotional and we all know most guys just don't go there. Guys don't realize how much thought most girls put into sex (well, the first time anyway because we know its going to suck cow balls). But anyway, if the relationship goes south, the girl sometimes has a complex about the relationship's failure and it might carry into the new one.

Two, girls have to more knowledgeable about birth control options because WE have the babies. Period. If you are a female reading this and you do not know about birth control and you are having sex and you don't have an opinion about abortion because you don't think it can happen to you and you don't require condoms at every sexual act because you think its not up to you because you don't have a penis, you are in trouble. It's important that we protect ourselves from this because HPV and cervical cancer and well ad STI's are real and unplanned pregnancy can be a frustrating and confusing thing. As well as the fact that until you reach a stage in your relationship where you and your man know you are in it for the long haul, he could drop you at the drop of a hat and leave you with "gifts" you didn't want or need.

But what was the point of that? The point is that the fact the government only teaches abstinence and not real sex education leads to situations like this. I am pleased to report that after our little talk (which was not to keep him from having sex by the way because I am all for sex, lol) he decided to wait a little longer because he wanted for him and his girl to be more prepared and not leave anything to chance. And that's my whole thing. Why take a chance with your future and your health. If you know you wanna have sex, why not get educated and ask people who really know the truth and that may not be parents but just someone knowledgeable. And why the hell are parents not requesting that schools teach proper sex education? If they don't wanna do it that's fine but someone needs to and since schools babysit kids anyway, why not give them the life tools as well as the book tools that they are gonna need?

Can I get a witness?

Friends,...How Many of Us Have Them...?

I decided, after reading Angel's post to analyze my own friend situation. Then I came to the startling conclusion that there is no friend situation because I feel as though I have no friends. LOL. I bet u guys are like, how is that funny but it is. At different times in my life I latched on to different people for various reasons. Like my friend Taryn in first grade because she never laughed when I stuttered before I got it under control and even though she was gorgeous with her long silky black hair and huge doe eyes, she liked my hair and my eyes better. Or Corey and Rueben in Second grade because they were outsiders like me in their own way and I secretly liked both of them but never had the confidence to say anything. Or Domonique in 6th grade because she was so different from me and I wished I had her balls and after hanging with her I did. And Michael in 7th and 8th because we were rebels and didn't give a rats ass about the oversexed and over exposed girls and guys in our class. And Mel, Tiff, Jasmine, Curtis, Livi, Shay in high school for not being afraid to not fit into the mold.

Back then it seemed like it was so much more simple. It could be because I had to see those people everyday whether I liked them or not and I had to make allies regardless. Is that how I see my friends? As allies and not companions? As my own defense squad against the world? Well when I got to college that aspect changed and I started taking on friends that ended up being charity cases.

For example, my friend Candice was doing some wild shit with guys and I was like I need to find her someone who will treat her like the lady she really is and will love her and help heal he wounds so We met this guy that we both liked instantly but I deferred and let her have him. That was a big mistake. ( I later ended up with him anyway but i'll get into that another time) That was when I started letting the needs of others trump by own even if it wasn't how I wanted it. Then I met up with Shawn and let her needs start trumping my own physical, mental, and emotional well being and her needs ended up dictating my life (check the previous post about helplessness to get the whole scoop on that) and that wasn't good for me either.

Where do you draw the line? How can you tell that a friendship is going to go down this road before it is too late? I treat every friendship like I do any other relationship. Communication, trust, loyalty are the keys to having, gaining, and maintaining a good friendship and no one wants to play by the rules. So what is the end result? Loneliness in a way. But I'll be completely honest, because I am a triplet I am never completely lonely but ever since we hit college there has been some dissension in the fold mainly because I made my own choices about certain issues and they can't accept it. Its my life right so just move on when its over like i did.

But, I'm babbling now. The point is that I have people that I associate with but it is hard to consider them friends and I guess it's because the friendships that I invested so much in blew up in my face. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Helping the Helpless...

First and foremost, happy belated thanksgiving. I hope all of them were blessed and filled with more memories to remininse about.


Now, I was talking to a friend of mine about another mutual friend our ours right and we got into a very interesting conversation. My friend Dave was talking to me about my friend and her current situation. Dave in a serious Christian (and for those wondering, I am a Christian as well but I have some issues with the institutions of Church but we will talk bout that at another time) and he is really concerned about her. And with good reason. She is 22 years old an bout to have her second child when her first one is not even a year old. To make matters worse, at this time she seems to lack direction and motivation to get her life together even though she knows she has to do better for her children. And to make matters even worse, her child's father is not worth two shits at all.

Dave was proceeding to tell me how I need to help her and not give up on her. How I needed to keep her motivated and keep her focused. Okay folks, let me tell you guys something about my relationship with the friend in question. Before she even got pregnant the first time and got with this dead beat I had told her to use protection with the tag team (the tag team being birth control and condoms) and she ignored me and behold, she was pregnant. I was like, okay, its only one baby so lets help you get together. She didn't drive so I was helping her get her license, she wanted a new job so I helped her fill out applications, she wanted to get promoted at our job in case the new job didn't come through and since I am a manager I started putting in good words, she wanted to go shopping, get her hair and nails done, I took her, she wanted to keep living with the dead beat in question and was about to quit our job not giving a shit that she still had a child to take care of so for a whole summer I went out of my way to get her to work everyday on time. With all that said, Dave wanted to know why I didn't want to take on that responsibility again and it was during that process that I had a revelation.

I took such a big interest in her because I was worried for my God niece as well as for her own situation. I thought, what if she wanted to leave him but she couldn't because she wouldn't have a job. I just took on too much in a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with me. I wasn't pregnant. I was not that irresponsible to bring a child into the world without a plan or, in her case, her only plan being that her child's father would take care of her and that baby. You would think that she had seen enough Maury shows to know that the man is only obligated to love and take care of the baby not her forever. And just in case I did think that the first time around, when I found out the truth, I would not be silly enough to get put into the same situation a second time which she did. Only this time, its a little different for her.

Instead of people being excited about the baby, they are looking at her like she is irresponsible and even in some cases stupid for having another child so soon. (Pretty much what I thought the first time but anyway...) They don't think its cute and in her own way she has retreated into a semi- depression. It was one thing when everyone was with her but now that she experiencing ridicule she is thinking harder about her choices. Its very hard to watch but it had to be done.

I don't really have a point to all of this except that it is important to know your own limitations as a person and when helping a friend becomes enabling a friend. I fell victim to it because I love her and I only wanted what was best but I ended up having to tell Dave that if she doesn't want the best for herself it doesn't matter what I want. I also had to cut her off a little to make sure that her issues did not filter into my own life. I think I involved myself in it so much that people at work were asking me what she was going do and how I felt about it like what I felt really mattered. I never really understood the concept of tough love until now. Tough love being, watching your loved ones make their own mistakes and doing nothing until they realize what the mistake was and fixing it, if they can, by themselves.

Man, is anybody feeling me out there?

The Jaded Youth...

So, I was at work tonight right and I had the opportunity to talk to one of my co-workers/ friend/ subordinate and I had asked her of her plans for the future. Now, I mentioned in my bio that I was 22 and this girl was about 17 or 18 so since I am 4 or 5 years her senior I wanted to see where her head was at and if necesary impart my wisdom. She told me of her future plans and it was cool--she wanted to go to a trade school so she could get some decent money because she didn't see the point in going to a 2 or 4 year college and paying a shit load of money for a whole bunch of bullshit classes that was not even remotely connected to what she wanted to do for a living. I can understand that p.o.v. cause Morgan damn sure put me through enough to graduate but that wasn't the problem. The problem came when she said that she wanted to have children at about 21 or 22. My age. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, 'so what? if she wants to have kids at that age what's the big deal?' Nothing normally but I had to ask her one more question before I decided how to proceed. What was the question you ask? What else did you wanna do before you had kids? And guess what? She looked confused like 'what do you mean?' Bingo.

I then began to tell her that if you always wanted to have a family go for it but being a parent is more than giving birth and taking care of the kid's basic needs. Kids look up to their parents for guidance about experiences that they themselves have yet to deal with or to gain knowledge about what to do when confronted with a situation. Kids look to their parents as examples as to what they could possibly achieve if they make the right decisions. At least I know I did. But more than that, she has a good 25 years before her baby making factory shuts down and she can do a lot of living before she has a kid.

The whole point I'm trying to make I guess is that I don't understand where teens these days get the idea that all they are supposed to do in life is go to school, get a job, get married, have babies, and die. Where is the adventure? The enlightenment? The desire to want to do everything you could possibly do before you saddle yourself down with kids? I guess I'm a bit jaded because I have 5 nieces and nephews and I saw from the age of 6 how kids can slow you down but she has plenty of friends her own age whose lives were drastically changed because of an unexpected trip down parent lane. I don't know. I just worry about the youth today. How about you?

This is only the beginning...

I decided to start my own blog because I wanted to see what it was really about. Would people really want to read what I had to say? Would anybody really care about the pain and strife of my life even if what I was saying was a total rant that equated to nothing in reality? How intriguing. I had to see for myself what all of this was about. As a psyc major I approached this from a mental health standpoint. I wonder if all of this venting to complete strangers was actually going to be a benefit to my emotional state of mind. Now is the time to find out right? I am not opposed to this at all for people who may or may not soon be reading this. I write fanfics about my favorite Animes all the time so this probably isn't too different. But I wonder if this world that I am about to engage in will distort me from reality in some way. I'm not going to lie, but I think my sister is a bit obsessed with this to the point where she thinks my family and I don't understand her like the people here do. Is that the bloggers fault though? No. This is the fault of people who no longer want to deal with their tangible peers and want to escape. Blogging, like any other drug when abused. lol. How interesting. But, now that's out of the way, I will try this for a time and hopefully this will enhance my own life experiences and maybe the lives of others.