So, I was at work tonight right and I had the opportunity to talk to one of my co-workers/ friend/ subordinate and I had asked her of her plans for the future. Now, I mentioned in my bio that I was 22 and this girl was about 17 or 18 so since I am 4 or 5 years her senior I wanted to see where her head was at and if necesary impart my wisdom. She told me of her future plans and it was cool--she wanted to go to a trade school so she could get some decent money because she didn't see the point in going to a 2 or 4 year college and paying a shit load of money for a whole bunch of bullshit classes that was not even remotely connected to what she wanted to do for a living. I can understand that p.o.v. cause Morgan damn sure put me through enough to graduate but that wasn't the problem. The problem came when she said that she wanted to have children at about 21 or 22. My age. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, 'so what? if she wants to have kids at that age what's the big deal?' Nothing normally but I had to ask her one more question before I decided how to proceed. What was the question you ask? What else did you wanna do before you had kids? And guess what? She looked confused like 'what do you mean?' Bingo.
I then began to tell her that if you always wanted to have a family go for it but being a parent is more than giving birth and taking care of the kid's basic needs. Kids look up to their parents for guidance about experiences that they themselves have yet to deal with or to gain knowledge about what to do when confronted with a situation. Kids look to their parents as examples as to what they could possibly achieve if they make the right decisions. At least I know I did. But more than that, she has a good 25 years before her baby making factory shuts down and she can do a lot of living before she has a kid.
The whole point I'm trying to make I guess is that I don't understand where teens these days get the idea that all they are supposed to do in life is go to school, get a job, get married, have babies, and die. Where is the adventure? The enlightenment? The desire to want to do everything you could possibly do before you saddle yourself down with kids? I guess I'm a bit jaded because I have 5 nieces and nephews and I saw from the age of 6 how kids can slow you down but she has plenty of friends her own age whose lives were drastically changed because of an unexpected trip down parent lane. I don't know. I just worry about the youth today. How about you?
9 comments:
Mistress,
A very insightful post you've written. I think each generation goes through a pause and reflect period in their lives; mostly post-decisions. I know I have, but I've had to accept that in most instances, they were made in the best interests of my family.
Would my life have been different had I not married while in college? No doubt
Would my marriage have been different had we waited to have children later? Definitely
Would I have been a different person? Possibly
Those were the choices I made, based on the extent of my knowledge and motivation. My children are all adults now, some, with families of their own. I travel to places that I always wanted to go, but never had the time or finances. I won't kick myself over "Shoulda, coulda, woulda". And although I might change some decisions if I had a "do over", I'm at peace with my choices.
I think it's cool that you impart some wisdom and perspective to young women, because the message every young person needs to hear is, "You have options available, understand them and benefit from choosing the best one for your life".
In the end, they may still want to get married and have kids, but you offered a perspective worthy of consideration.
Thanks for sharing your insight.
underOvr
I have many friends that went to school with me that has or having a child. Sometimes I worry for the child but then again, unless you are a complete moron you would try your best to raise a decent child.
I agree with your point about waiting until you have lived a good part of your life before starting a family.
You totally rocked it!
but you would be surprised, I am 17, I always wanted kids, but when I was almost 16 I got a baby brother, and all the responsibility was put on me, I was going to school, plus doing home schooling, plus going to work, and then I would have to come home and take care of a baby, and then decide whether to sleep, or do my homework, it was insane. I am definatly going to be waiting until I am at least 26 to have kids, there's just too much I want to do before that, and I don't think that makes me selfish. When I was in grade 10, at least a quarter of the girls got pregnant, on purpose, and it just made me so angry, because they have their whole lives; most of them are high school drop outs, but its their choice, I still am friends with them. Anyways, enjoyed your blog.
I had that same mentality-school, job, married, babies, die. So what did I do?
School, job, married, divorce, near death, remarry, school, new career, divorce. No babies. No death yet.
What could be next? lol That's life. (at least mine so far)
the best way to get other people to read your blogs is to read a bunch of random blogs and make comments if something you read makes you think. i agree with you about younger people not having a clue about certain things. something is really wrong if you think that your 'peak' is in high school.
regards and good luck in your blog-- mine's been running since feb 07.
miss alaineus, who had the code word of 'feakl' which is funny as i am 78% full of $h!t.
I don't think the current youth is "jaded" just that we have different wants for our lives.
You see, we grew up with these parents that had this mentality. This "I'll wait and have babies until I'm pushing thirty or over and then I'll continue to have them until I'm a little over forty so I can go ahead and get my adventure on now."
We've also seen that this doesn't necessarily work for everybody. Especially since most of these adventure goers think of themselves as "cool parents" which is the saddest thing in the world. I don't really think people should be popping out babies at the age of 21, but I know that I personally don't want to wait long because it may take a while to have a baby anyways and I don't want to be hitting fifty when the child hasn't even hit it's teens. That's no fun.
Plus, I'd rather go on more adventures when I'm older and wiser. Not to mention have the money.
I'm not really arguing with you but with the comment made before mine. I don't think these teenagers believe that their "peak" is in high school but that there is more to life than adventures and making money.
Maybe we teenagers see the world in a different light.
I don't think today's youth realize the joys of life...instead they take it as you live and then you die..there is no living life to its fullest. As you said go to school, get a job, get married, have a kid, and die. I don't think that they are jaded...but what I do think is that they are too easily influenced, and not diciplined enough as a child to understand that there are options, there are right and wrong paths. They aren't being taught what there is to life outside of what their family teaches them. The drop out rate is higher than ever, and parents are getting younger and younger by the year. I completely see your point and completely agree with you...if only there was somethign to do.
I found dat ass lol.
I agree with u. I think that the youth today think that having a baby or getting married encompasses being a adult. I remember when I was about 19 I wanted a baby sooo bad. Everyone around me were having babies and I wanted one too. But that desire went away quickly when I realized I would have no means of taking care of one. Then God blessed me wit my nephew so my desire is muted. VERY muted lol
Good blog miss lol
P.S take that word verification off! If you need help let me know
I agree and disagree. I am 18 years old and many girls my age just don't understand the responsibility it takes to raise a child. Plus who did they think they were going to have a baby with anyway? Their boyfriend? At this age we are very nieve and just toss around the word love, and "THINK" we are going to be with our boyfriends the rest of our lives. Having a baby is a start to a family and wouldn't you want to start that the right way. Finding someone you love and wanna be with the rest of your life is the first step really. And just think how likely it is staying with your high school sweetheart. Okay maybe you think it's likely? But now ask yourself how happy are you really gonna be with this person. Just enjoy your life and take a step at a time and things will start unraveling themselves. Thanks mistress for this blog, It made me realize I should enjoy my youth.
Blogger above, Not arguing but many kids drop out of high school I agree. But just think of it this way. If the school system was set up differently... than maybe just maybe more kids would become successful. Schools should focus on students skills and build a career off of that. I mean really how can one person be good in all subjects.
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